my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
