No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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