So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
