How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
