My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
