Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize