I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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