Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
from now on my penis is your penis
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
drinking out of a sandbucket again
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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