You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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