Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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