your parents love me but you hate me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
