When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
