Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
