i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
