6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
