I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
