So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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