Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize