I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
