I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
