My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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