He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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