I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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