Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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