You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
