Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
