it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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