dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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