My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
