he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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