and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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