i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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