I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
