I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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