oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
