i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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