There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
