Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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