Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
