On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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