I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it's great music for shaving your balls
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
