Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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