I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
