Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
