1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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