there's paper in my vomit.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
