I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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