walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
