thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
