Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
