if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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