She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
