Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
