4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
