I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
