You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
