i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
