very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
