so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
