I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
