hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
