in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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