Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
