How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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