I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
