names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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