i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
