it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
