I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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