these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We don't watch enough power rangers
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
