i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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