if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
