whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
