Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
