so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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