At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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