Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
