i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
