she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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