I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
