So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
