I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need to calm my uterus...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
