Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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