Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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