I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize