hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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