Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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