you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
