There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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