cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
