Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
