Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
