You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
