That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
