I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
