Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
