Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
