I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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