She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
