I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize