My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize