It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
