My liver just broke up with me...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
