Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
