I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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