His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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