you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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