Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
