She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
