Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
