I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
