a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
