Fuck appropriateness.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
