need another drink. this is the easiest way
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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