I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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