How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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