coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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